There are two kinds of people in this world:
People who think laser tag is a casual, glow-in-the-dark activity
People who treat laser tag like a classified military operation
The problem is… these two groups always end up in the same arena.
And that’s where things fall apart.
Welcome to the Arena (You Will Not Be Prepared)
You walk in expecting:
A fun game
Some neon lights
Maybe a little friendly competition
Instead, you get:
A maze designed by someone who hates you
Fog so thick you question your life choices
A 12-year-old who has clearly trained for this moment
The briefing doesn’t help either.
“Just aim for the vest and have fun!”
That’s adorable.
You won’t remember a single word of that speech the moment the game starts and your instincts immediately betray you.
The 5 Types of Laser Tag Players You Cannot Escape
1. The Child Prodigy
This kid moves like they’ve memorized the map.
They will:
Appear behind you without explanation
Hit you 14 times before you can blink
Disappear into the fog like a ghost with a personal vendetta
You are not competing with them.
You are surviving them.
2. The Croucher
This person believes laser tag is a stealth simulation.
They will:
Hide in one corner the entire game
Refuse to move under any circumstances
Treat every step like it triggers a national alarm system
You won’t see them.
But somehow… they’ll see you.
3. The Spin-and-Pray Specialist
Accuracy is optional.
This player:
Runs into a room
Spins in a full circle
Fires wildly like they’re trying to summon something
Do they hit anything?
Statistically… yes.
Emotionally? No one knows.
4. The Overly Competitive Adult
You know exactly who this is.
They showed up for “a fun night out” and immediately turned it into a championship match.
They will:
Call out strategies like it’s a team sport
Get visibly frustrated
Refer to children as “targets”
You’re not sure whether to respect them or back away slowly.
5. The Lost Civilian
This is the purest form of laser tag player.
They:
Don’t know where they are
Don’t know who’s on their team
Have been walking in circles for 6 minutes
They will accidentally score points and have no idea how.
Laser Tag Strategy (Which You Will Immediately Forget)
You might think searching laser tag tips will prepare you.
It won’t.
Because the moment the game begins:
You will forget how your equipment works
You will question your sense of direction
You will panic in a room with three exits
But for the sake of pretending, here are some “advanced” techniques:
Move Constantly
Standing still feels safe.
It isn’t.
It just means someone is already aiming at you.
Don’t Chase—Ambush
Chasing someone through a maze is how you become the joke of the match.
They know where they’re going.
You do not.
Use the Environment
Walls, corners, random glowing objects—use them all.
Even if you don’t know what you’re doing, looking tactical helps.
The Scoreboard Will Emotionally Damage You
At the end of the game, everything comes down to the scoreboard.
This is where reality sets in.
You thought you did well.
You didn’t.
You’ll see:
Someone with an absurdly high score
Your name… lower than expected
Possibly below the Lost Civilian
And you’ll immediately start rationalizing:
“I was just warming up”
“I wasn’t really trying”
“My vest was definitely malfunctioning”
It wasn’t.
Why Laser Tag Is the Perfect Group Activity
Despite the chaos, confusion, and mild identity crisis…
Laser tag is undefeated as a group activity.
Search fun things to do near me, and laser tag always shows up for a reason.
It forces people to:
Move
Interact
Embrace absolute nonsense together
No phones. No distractions.
Just pure, glowing chaos.
The Real Goal of Laser Tag (It’s Not Winning)
Here’s the truth nobody says out loud:
Winning doesn’t matter.
What matters is:
That one perfect ambush you’ll talk about later
The moment you got completely outplayed
The shared confusion when nobody knows what just happened
Laser tag isn’t about skill.
It’s about committing fully to something slightly ridiculous.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Chaos
You’re going to:
Get lost
Get tagged repeatedly
Make decisions that don’t make sense
And that’s exactly the point.
Because for 15–20 minutes, you’re not thinking about anything else.
You’re just reacting, laughing, and occasionally getting humbled by a child with elite instincts.
And honestly?
That’s a pretty solid way to spend an evening.
